in da club

Here I am in the club that I never wanted to join (the initiation sucked btw {by the way} looking around this room I’m guessing no one here wanted to join either. I guess you could call it a fight club, although I have looked everywhere for Brad Pitt . . . We are all fighting nevertheless. 

I was a little worried this morning about my blood draw because last week my red and white blood counts were low and they won’t give you the chemo if they drop too low. I arrived at 8:15 waited, blood drawn, waited, seated in infusion room, and then waited until labs came back. Blood work was good and so here I am. Nurses had a hard time getting the IV in [took 4 people trying and then decided to go for the hand] so if you see me soon, you might think this club has a sick hazing ritual or that I am a drug addict (but I gotta say if I were to do drugs, these would not be my drugs of choice) so anyhow it’s 4:00 and I have at least another hour hour 1/2 or so, my bags are full (and I am not just talking about the ones under my eyes) I am tired but happy that this is it. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading the next 3 or so weeks ahead and what the cumulative chemo will bring me. Knowing it’s the end does help, knowing you all think I am so strong helps for sure, even when I have never felt weaker. Thank you again for going along on this journey. Having you by my side whether near or far, hugs and/or kisses, texts and calls, FaceTime, FB, cards, oh so many cards wow! Plants, flowers, messenger, veggies, bags of goodies, insta, these things have all made me feel your love and helped me through the tough days. You can be sure when it comes to inviting new members to this not so exclusive club, I will be the first to blackball all of you. F this club! Let’s join a fun one! Who’s in?

it's hot, it's cold, it's hot, it's cold [or was that just me?] . . . I was kicking things on and off    all day. [This was taken toward the end of 8 and half hours, a bit harder to smile]

48 hours

Although I haven't been feeling great, my week took a turn for the better when Dana popped in for a quick visit. It was so nice to have someone to drive me, get me out to yoga and lunch [and to nap with]. Having your own in house acupuncturist doesn't suck either! This afternoon Dave was home and we just floated around in the pool before Jake came over and we all went for dinner. My only complaint, and that is what this blog is about after all, is that it went by way too fast. So glad she was able to pop in though.

there are no words . . . best sandwich ever!!!   [dana didn't shave her head, thank goodness, but has joined me with no makeup and wet hair in solidarity]

[and to those thinking hey wait, I could have, would have or did offer to bring you, take you or otherwise do something really kind for you . . . thank you, really, I wasn't feeling up to doing anything this week, but it was the only time Dana could visit and I rallied so that I wouldn't seem so frail -and I think I pulled it off ;-)]

weekend in rearview

This past weekend had highlights and lowlights, just like my hair used to. Having your anniversary and both birthdays all within 9 days is a lot in a normal year, this year throwing chemo in the mix has made it even harder. Having wonderful friends want to celebrate gave me something to look forward to. Wondering if I was going to be able to show up was another story. This has all been challenging, mostly physically, sometimes emotionally. What am I supposed to be able to do? How much? How little? I really have no idea. My body is really quite achy so it isn't easy to walk around. My throat is sore, so talking is a challenge. I am really tired all the time and frankly not much fun to be around. I think acceptance has been the hardest. Knowing that is is temporary helps me get through the day [but it saddens me for the people for whom its not so temporary]

I have a found a little help in . . . napping! I have stopped fighting naps. Who knew, something so simple as just closing my eyes [or resting them as my dad is always fond of saying] really does the trick, especially when you aren't sleeping well at night. So I was able to eat my way through the weekend and was resting in between meals. I was able to have a little semblance of normalancy in this oh not so normal journey. So thank you to everyone who came in and made food, brought food in, took us out [or tried to], it's your love that is making all this that much easier.  [that and napping!]

loss of appetite? nope, hasn't happened yet

I am wondering if it is possible that I will be the first cancer patient on chemo to gain weight? Yesterday I had the pleasure of not one but two darling duo sisters who stopped in for a quick visit and dropped off goodies to me. Yummy Ice cream at lunch time from a new place at the corner called the screamery [they picked bee's knees for me which is lavender swirled with local honey] and then a late afternoon visit from another couple of cuties that made me ginger cookies. While I am not complaining, at all, I mean who would, I probably need to snap back to my healthy eating, fight off cancer cells mode. It was a lovely birthday break which, who am I kidding, I will ride out through the weekend. The girls were cool with my bald head too, I offered to cover up to their moms since they have all seen me fairly recently with hair but both moms said no we already talked about it. You just gotta love kids!